How to Make New Year’s Resolutions Last (And Why Most Resolutions Fail)

How to stick to New Year’s resolutions using mindset, psychology, and realistic goal setting.

It’s that time of year again. The decorations are coming down, routines are slowly restarting, and the familiar question makes its way into conversations:

“Have you got any New Year’s resolutions?”

I often smile when I hear it, because part of me feels genuinely curious rather than enthusiastic. Why now? Why not on a random Wednesday in July? Why not in October, or March, or on a quiet Tuesday afternoon when something inside you simply says, enough?

I’m not being rebellious here – just inquisitive.

In theory, we can start something new on any day of the year. But there is something psychologically powerful about beginnings. A new week. A new month. A new year. These moments give us a sense of a clean slate, a pause point, a moment to reflect and reset. Stacking a new habit onto something that already feels new can create momentum and motivation. It reminds me of James Clear’s concept of habit stacking – using an existing structure as a foundation for change.

So yes, let’s agree that Mondays and January can be good starting points. But here’s the part that often gets missed.

Timing alone will not do the job.

It is not magically easier to stop smoking, change your relationship with food, move your body more, or finally prioritise yourself just because it’s January 1st. If that were true, we’d all be effortlessly transformed by now.

What actually makes the difference is not when you start – but why.

Start With Your WHY (The Real Reason New Year’s Resolutions Fail)

Before even thinking about how to reach your goals, or how to set them with intention, I invite you to pause and ask yourself one question:

Why do I want this?

For the sake of it being January – and because I also have an upcoming weight-loss workshop – let’s use weight loss as an example.

Why do you want to lose weight?

Very often, I hear answers like:

• “Because I’ll look better.”

• “Because clothes will look better on me.”

• “Because my doctor said I should.”

These answers aren’t wrong. But they’re usually not deep enough.

Here’s where the real work begins: after every answer, ask yourself why again.

• Why does looking better matter to me?

• Why is wearing certain clothes important?

• Why does my doctor’s advice matter right now?

  
  

Keep going. Gently, honestly, without judgement.

This can be an uncomfortable exercise, especially when you do it alone. Many of us are not used to sitting with ourselves long enough to hear the deeper answers. That’s why working with a therapist, coach, or even journaling with intention can be so powerful. You could also ask a trusted friend to guide you through this process.

What often emerges underneath the surface-level answers is something far more meaningful:

• Wanting to feel confident again

• Wanting to feel at home in your body

• Wanting energy to keep up with your children

• Wanting to feel safe, seen, or worthy

This deeper WHY is what will carry you forward when motivation fades – and it will fade. Motivation is unreliable. Meaning is not.

Why Vague Goals Don’t Work (And Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail So Often)

Once you have clarity on your WHY, it’s time to look at your goals.

When I ask clients where they would like to be in three months’ time, I often hear things like:

• “I just want to be happy.”

• “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

I understand these answers deeply. They come from a place of pain, frustration, or exhaustion. But here’s the honest truth:

These are not goals.

They are states of being, not destinations your brain knows how to reach.

There’s another important piece here. When you say what you don’t want, your subconscious mind doesn’t process the “not” part very well.

Let me give you my favourite example:

Don’t think about a white rhino.

What just popped into your mind?

Exactly.

In order for your brain to not think about something, it first has to create a clear image of it. This is why focusing on what you don’t want often keeps you stuck in exactly that experience.

So instead of telling yourself what you want to get away from, I invite you to define what you want to move towards.

And no – “happiness” doesn’t count.

Not because it’s unimportant, but because it’s not specific enough. Happiness is a by-product of aligned action, not a checkbox you can tick.

SMART Goals: Goal Setting That Actually Works

Many years ago, during my training, I learned a tool that I still use with clients today because it is simple, effective, and surprisingly powerful when done properly.

SMART goals.

Let’s break it down.

S – Specific Be clear about what you want and why you want it. Vague intentions create vague results.

M – Measurable Can you track it? Can you count it? If you can’t measure it in some way, your brain doesn’t know whether you’re succeeding.

A – Achievable Is it realistic for you, in your life, with your responsibilities and energy levels?

R – Relevant Does this goal actually matter in the bigger picture of your life, values, and wellbeing?

T – Time-bound Put a date on it. Open-ended goals tend to stay exactly that – open-ended.

When SMART goals are done well, they give your nervous system and subconscious mind a sense of direction and safety. They answer the question: What am I aiming for, and how will I know when I’m getting there?

If this already feels harder than you expected, you’re not doing it wrong. This process looks simple on paper, but it requires honesty, self-awareness, and sometimes support.

If you’d like guidance with this, I work with clients in person in Cheadle and Altrincham, and this is exactly the kind of foundational work we do together. I also regularly run a small, in‑person weight‑loss workshop that focuses on mindset rather than diets or willpower, where we explore the deeper reasons change feels hard and how to work with your subconscious rather than against it. You can find full details and dates for my Weight Loss – A Mindset Approach workshop on Eventbrite here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/weight-loss-a-mindset-approach-tickets-1976870075612

How to Stick to New Year’s Resolutions: Small Steps, Not Grand Gestures

Once you understand why you want something and where you’re going, we can finally talk about how to get there.

This is the part many people jump to first – and it’s often why things fall apart.

Start by brainstorming. Write down everything that comes to mind, without censoring yourself. No idea is too small or too unrealistic at this stage.

Then choose just two or three actions that you know you can realistically commit to.

Some might take ten minutes a day. Others might require more time. The key principle I want you to remember is this:

Little and often beats big and occasionally.

Consistency rewires the brain. All-or-nothing thinking burns it out.

You already know many of the things that could support your goals. You don’t need another perfect plan – you need a kind, doable one.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail (And What You Can Learn From Past Attempts)

Once you understand proper goal setting, it often becomes clear why previous attempts didn’t last.

I like to compare it to putting an address into a navigation system.

If you enter the exact coordinates, it will take you precisely where you want to go. But if you type in something vague like “London” or “Scotland”, the system struggles – because the destination isn’t clear enough.

Your brain works in much the same way.

Clarity creates movement. Vagueness creates frustration.

Behaviour Change Psychology: How to Adjust Without Giving Up (The TOTE Model)

Here’s another insider concept you might not know about, but one I love sharing with clients.

TOTE stands for:

Test – Operate – Test – Exit

It’s a simple yet compassionate way of approaching change.

You test a new habit or approach. You operate it for a while. You test again – how does this feel? Is it working? And then you either continue and exit the testing phase or exit that approach and adjust.

This means:

• Struggle does not equal failure

• Something not working does not mean you are the problem

• Pivoting is part of the process, not a sign of weakness

Give yourself permission to experiment. Sustainable change is flexible, not rigid.

Making New Year’s Resolutions Last: A Gentle Closing Thought

New Year’s resolutions don’t fail because you lack willpower. They fail because they’re often built on shaky foundations.

When you take the time to understand your WHY, set clear and compassionate goals, and allow yourself to adjust along the way, change becomes something you work with rather than fight against.

And remember – you don’t need a new year to begin again. But if this one feels like the right moment, I hope you let it be guided by clarity, kindness, and intention.

You deserve change that lasts.

With love,